Bill pretty much pre-empted the joke about which jersey Jair Marrufo got last night. I assume based on the refereeing it was a Chivas USA shirt, but I can't imagine he needs a dishrag that badly. I think it was simply consideration on the part of the viewing audience to keep the game close.
No one thinks Zach Thornton got a bad jump on the second goal, and ten years ago he catches that free kick clean? Well, ten years ago Beckham makes a truly unmissable shot, so I guess it all evens out.
Still, the Stephens to Buddle highlight was just the most beautiful thing my tiny little eyes have ever seen. "Oh, so that's how they won twelve in a row," I thought to myself. Sure, in the second half Michael Stephens pretty much won the Rookie of the Year award…for Tim Ream. He wasn't the only issue out there. It also didn't help that Bruce Arena's halftime speech was, apparently, "For Christ's sake, guys, take it easy. We've got another game on Thursday, you know."
I hate to be one of those guys who just uses hyperbole for no reason, but Giancarlo Maldonado might be the worst player in the history of the universe. Thank God I don't have to see Chivas USA again for a – what? Featured game on FSC this Saturday? Against Toronto? Okay, maybe it's time to stop setting the TV schedule seven months in advance. If they don't have Preki doing play-by-play, I'm out.
Maybe it's because I sold my soul last year in exchange for the Galaxy not losing to CUSA in the playoffs, but I don't feel the emotional thrill of these games anymore.
Let's say there's, I don't know, a serial killing proctologist loose in your neighborhood. And he breaks into your house one night. Fortunately, you wore your iron underwear, so while he's holding his broken thumb you use your sweet karate moves and drive him off.
Mission accomplished, right? Well, yeah, but what do you get for winning? Not being killed hideously. That's great, but, you had that when you woke up that morning. I mean, it's a lot better than the alternative, sure it is. But it's not a net positive, is it? Besides, the killer is still out there, and he's going to try again every six months or so.
People were wondering whether or not Galaxy-Jagoffs is a "rivalry." Unfortunately, it is. Sporting rivalries are by definition friendly, and right now the Galaxy and Chivas USA have forgotten they are supposed to be pledged to the utter destruction of the other. Now, the superfluousclasico is just another Old Firm. Call it the New Limp.
But I still don't accept Chivas USA's right to exist. I feel like I'm in Hezbollah, and I just got word that they've signed a peace treaty. I mean, I'm here in the barracks, strapping on my suicide vest, and the rest of the Martyrs Brigade are yammering about how if we beat the Zionist entity, we win this year's Bank Leumi Cup or whatever.
And we'll do it all again over and over, and each time I'll say "Why isn't this team in St. Louis, restoring that city's soccer tradition, gaining instant rivalries with the Fire and Wizards, and generally getting the Jeff Cooper stench out of the air?" or "Why isn't this team in San Bernardino or Riverside, becoming the de facto local team for literally millions of people?" or "Why doesn't this team move to the West Bank and call themselves Chivas of Nazareth? Give new meaning to 'rebaño sagrado'" (Yes, I do plan to tell that joke over and over until the day I die, why do you ask?)